Something Due, Any Day...

​Doing things. Gratitude. I push myself towards both, today, this season, this year, even as my will to be active, to be productive, to be thankful, ebbs. Why? Honestly, because in this moment nothing seems to matter. No one will care, no one will listen, no one will support you. Just give up. No, I respond. You shall not pass. You, shadow, are the voice of my past, my childhood; you are not the voice of my now, and you shall not take the place of the sun, of the light. Still, it presses, and still I fight. With every ounce of strength that I have I fight, I dive, I dig deep, to find the power that rests deep within me, the power that I know is in there, to create, to smile; the power to be me. 

​I read a blog article about how to make your blog articles more widely read. Which is pretty hilarious now that I think about it (though the real question is: is it ironic?). But one of the main points was that those who blog would do well to promote what they write aggressively, via social media etc. I’ll be honest with you: I rarely feel comfortable doing that. In fact, truth is sometimes I feel as though I might need to apologize about my posts (as illogical as this sounds). Why? Well, because unlike a lot of other blogs out there, I don’t have tips or techniques or great advice to offer. I don’t have ways and means that are guaranteed to make your life better. What I do have is my life experiences, and they’re not always pretty. 

​I started writing as a means to curate my process both as an artist and a person. And I knew, going into that, that I would inevitably find myself passing through territory that would be unpleasant, sometimes downright horrible, especially anything involving working through past trauma, or other phyiscal, mental, or emotional difficulty. I wanted to adopt an approach based on honesty; I grew up around too many people who lied about too many things for it to feel good to follow in their shoes. I also wanted never to forget how much I have to learn. These two things are still things that I value, and they combine to make it difficult to play the role of sagacious advice-giver or glorified self-promoter. 

Merchandising! Merchandising!

​So there we go. Blogger is as blogger does. I would that these provide, to all of you who do read them, at least some insight into one human being’s sometimes-joyful-oftentimes-messy process. And that perhaps that insight will find a way to illuminate something in you, or else provide you some catharsis in some way. That is what I have always intended, and what I recommit to now. I think there’s a space for blogs that do this, that don’t derive their value solely, or at all, through telling others how smart they themselves are, or how and why those others “should” be more like them. I’m not certain, but for now it’s feels as good a heading as any other.

Well. Maybe one day I’ll change my tune. Maybe one day I’ll have healed all that needs to be healed and thusly start offering brilliant advice on how to be the perfect human being #chuckle. Or maybe (more likely) I’ll find myself starting a sub-blog, guidance-based and supplementary to this one, when I feel I’ve sufficiently collated all the bits of knowledge about music, story, and other random things, that I’ve accumulated over these years. Come to think of it, that doesn't sound like a half-bad idea. 
 
And maybe it’ll be helpful. Who knows? :)

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Tagged: #blogging #self-inquiry #self-examination #awareness #depression #trauma #healing #process #thegivingtree #spaceballs #Yogurt #spirit #innerlight #self-worth #empowerment

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---Title Inspiration: Something's Coming (Bernstein/Sondheim), from West Side Story---

                                                                         Enjoy! -AF